#i think I'll just post these two for tonight i gotta sleep

[blaiddraws]

Sleepy cuddles with Ingo as the big spoon and Zisu as the little spoon OR sleepy cuddles with Ingo and a pile of sneasel kittens/his pokemon

more eepy <3

[izzy-b-hands]

Trying to make my brain do anything today has just been case after case of 'well, half-assed is better than nothing I guess.'

[creedslove]

CHOCOLATE CAKE BLISS 🎂

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: Joel loves your chocolate cake and while he's stealing one slice of it you two end up having a conversation about that future that makes him insecure, so you gotta show him you mean it when you say you love him

(this can be read as a continuation of SLEEP BLISS 💤, SHOWER BLISS 🫧, MOONLIGHT BLISS 🌙, BABY BLISS 🍼 PART ONE and BABY BLISS 🍼 PART TWO, or it can be read as a one shot, it's up to you)

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of pregnancy but no pregnancy at all, smut (oral m! receiving), age gap, insecure!joel, out of character!joel, cute!joel because he loves chocolate cake

1.8k words

Joel grumbled when he went back to consciousness and didn't feel you next to him. He could still feel your side of the bed warm and your scent lingering in your pillow, but you weren't lying there.

He looked around and rubbed his tired eyes. He didn't remember how long he'd slept, but it felt like a lot, as for once his body was completely relaxed and there was no tension in his muscles. He smiled at himself as soon as he remembered the night before, how you'd told him you loved him and how after gathering courage he told you the same.

You had exchanged love words while he was inside of you, as his hot load was hitting your womb and you couldn't be more connected than that at that moment.

It was official, you were each other's and no one could change that.

And he also remembered what he thought when he was inside of you.

He still didn't know what was up with him, sometimes he did want to have a baby with you, he wanted to get you pregnant, he wanted to see you glowing with a beautiful round belly, he wanted to be up at night helping you with your baby, he wanted to sit down silently and watch you breastfeed your baby, hold the baby's tiny little hand and feel the tight grip around his finger, little eyes searching for Joel's, so the baby would know mama and dada were there.

And then he fell back into his senses and remembered how insane all of that was.

He was old. He wasn't just older than you, he was old.

He didn't have energy to run after a kid, he was tired, his body ached and his back killed him at least once a day. There was no way he could leave you with the responsibility of taking care of a child. Even if you weren't living a literal apocalypse, it wasn't a great idea at all. And he couldn't force you to go through a pregnancy without adequate medical care, what if you had poor health? What if something went wrong in labor? No, he couldn't afford that.

He got up and widened his eyes at the delicious smell.

Chocolate cake.

Joel didn't even remember how long it had been since the last time he had a slice of it. But even if it'd been ages, he wouldn't forget that smell and he could already taste it.

He ran downstairs, suddenly feeling excited about the perspective of eating a slice of it and couldn't stop thinking it was damn pathetic a guy his age being so happy at something simple as that, but you couldn't disagree more, he was so boyish, so adorable when he wrapped his arms around your waist and tried stealing a slice of it.

You laughed at yourself. Joel Miller was acting adorable.

You snapped his hand away for the third time and frowned "Joel!!! This is for the kids, I already told you!" You said and saw him chuckling

"you are going to volunteer at the daycare, there's babies there. Babies don't eat chocolate cake" he rolled his eyes.

You turned around and faced him

"There are toddlers there, don't play dumb with me, you know that. And if you out of all the people in the world love chocolate cake, what makes you think the toddlers won't?" You chuckled and pecked his lips

"Alright, one last slice and I promise tonight I'll bake one just for you" you whispered against his ear and pecked his neck gently.

He groaned and gripped your waist, you shouldn't be teasing him like that, you were a real bad girl for that.

He crashed his lips against you, needing you to feel how much power you had over him, but you broke the kiss and stroked his cheek gently, smiling at him.

"Can I tell you a secret?" You blushed and saw when Joel frowned softly, he nodded, curious to know what you hadn't told him.

His heart raced with anxiety, what if you were gonna tell him you met someone nicer? Maybe a younger guy who made the butterflies in your stomach fly like crazy.

No. He quickly dismissed the idea, why would you be offering yourself to bake him cakes like a good housewife and spreading kisses all over your neck if you wanted to be with someone else? Fuck, get it together, man. He thought to himself.

"It's just that… at the daycare there's a baby, a real cute one and he's got the sweetest brown eyes and curly hair and Maria and I joke he's your son…" you giggled "and I like taking care of him and pretending he is your son, it's fun" you bit your lips not sure how he would react.

Joel gasped and looked into your eyes.

"Do you wanna have a baby?" He couldn't hold back his tongue, god, he cursed himself for being pathetic, but he needed to know.

"No… I mean, I don't know… I never really thought of having babies before, I just thought it was a cute scenario because the little boy kinda looks like you" you explained and saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes?

"Why? Do you wanna have a baby Joel?"

He shook his head and looked down, scratching down the back of his neck feeling once again embarrassed about having that conversation.

"I don't… I mean, sometimes I do, but it's a crazy idea, isn't it? Bringing a baby into the picture is fucked up… I don't know, I guess I went soft because of you and now we're together it makes me wonder what things would be like if we were in a normal world, if I hadn't lost everything…" he swallowed hard "I just feel guilty because you are so beautiful, so young and you should be able to get married and have a family, you know… with someone suitable for you, someone appropriate"

You shook your head and held his face between your hands.

"You are this person, Joel. You are the most suitable and appropriate person to me, you are the only man I would ever consider marrying, and you are the only one that could get me pregnant. As much as it is crazy to bring a baby into this world, I would do it with you and no else… why is it so hard for you to accept that I love you?" You tilted his head and watched him look down.

"I don't know" he shrugged and didn't stare at you again.

You took a deep breath and pulled his head gently, kissing him.

"It's not our fault if we fell for each other. I know there's a lifetime that separates us, but I love you even if you're older and I know for a fact that you love me even if I'm younger, Mr.Miller" you smiled "I think we're being carried away with this whole baby thing, I think it would only make us feel pressured, but if it ever happened, I'd be happy" you told him and saw how Joel only nodded and pecked your lips before leaving for work.

You spent the whole afternoon thinking of your interaction with him, it baffled you how insecure he was. Whenever you thought you'd advanced one step with Joel it also felt you took one step back. You didn't care if he was older, you loved him and you didn't want to be happy with someone else. You were already happy with Joel, even if he was a dumb, stubborn cunt once in a while.

When you got home, you knew there were still a couple of hours for his shift to be over, so you prepared the batter for the cake you'd promised him, as you thought of a way to show him your love, your passion for him.

After you put the cake in the oven, you got rid of your clothes and stood only in your panties in front of the mirror, you wanted to show Joel love the best language he could speak.

When he stepped inside the first thing he noticed was the smell, you had actually made him the cake like you promised and he smiled softly. He shouldn't have been so coward towards you earlier that day, he shouldn't have showed you how weak he was, but at the same time you were the only person he could actually do that. He didn't have anything to hide from you, and he hoped you were the same for him.

"Y/N?" He called your name wanting to see where you were, but was caught off guard by your half naked presence.

You walked towards him in nothing but your thongs, he saw how your breasts moved freely as you walked, your nipples already hard at the chilly air. You couldn't help but smile at his surprised face, hugged him and kissed his neck, deeper this time, adding a small love bite to it and earning a groan from your man.

"Darling, I-" you cut him off when you unbuckled his belt

"I wanna get on my knees for you Joel" that was the only thing you said, because at that moment you wanted to be submissive, you wanted to exist only for him, for his pleasure.

So you did as you said and faced his crotch. With delicate hands you unzipped his jeans and pulled them down just enough to free his cock.

You loved how his size matched his entire body, being thick and long, your cunt always clenched at the sight of it.

You gave his tip a small cat lick, tasting his leaking pre cum at the same time your hand massaged his heavy balls.

Joel had barely been touched and he was already groaning in pleasure.

You wrapped your lips around his tip suckling on it at the same time you stroked his base.

Joel's hand gripped your hair tight, pulling your face closer wanting more of you. You were driving him insane as you were touching him but not enough for him to cum yet. You took a deep breath and relaxed your throat, giving him a small nod to show him you were ready for him to face fuck you.

And then Joel bucked his hips, fucking your mouth, loving how you took all of him until he came for you, and you swallowed every single drop of it.

He panted and helped you up, holding you tighter against his chest.

Joel sat on the couch, not bothering pulling his pants up but seeing you shivered lightly so he took off his jacket and placed it on you.

You kissed him, smiling as he looked at you with surprise and admiration, you curled up to him, never wanting to be apart from your man, you loved him with all of your heart and you'd prove it to him whenever he needed some reassurance.

_____

A/N: idk i love joel and I'm horny

[strangersteddierthings]

Gut Instinct: Chapter 6 - Saturday

[Art] [Ao3] [Prologue] [Chapter One] [Chapter Two] [Interlude] [Chapter Three] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six]

[This chapter is mature. MDNI. It does fade to black though because I got too shy about writing and posting smut]

Munson follows him upstairs. It'll be nice to have the help now, as much as he wanted space back in the kitchen. Munson can carry the pillows while Steve gathers bedding. The couches in the rec room are comfortable but the room itself gets colder than the rest of the house at night. Due to the proximity to the garage.

He enters his room with the intention of just pulling his comforter off and stealing the pillows, and Eddie follows after.

"Jesus, Harrington! What in plaid hell?"

Steve takes in his walls, the realization that it's been a long while since someone else besides him was in it. Well, Robin's been up here a few times, but they prefer to hang out in the living room.

"I didn't pick the wallpaper, man," Steve says even as he frowns at the walls, "but, uh, yeah. I really should move to a different room, huh."

Munson barks a laugh. "Just gonna move into one of the guest rooms instead of deal with this?"

"Sure," Steve agrees, amused, "I'll just shut this door and tape a sign up that just says Torture Chamber on it. Lock any of the gremlins in here for being too annoying or something."

That gets him a real laugh from Munson, who also looks surprised that he laughed. Which reminds him.

"Did you get to look at the note?"

Munson looks at him, confusion clear on his face.

“The one I gave you after the basketball game?”

The confused look clears and Munson says, "oh, uh, no. It's- I think it's in the van?"

"Your van!" Steve exclaims, suddenly remembering the abandoned vehicle. Macx had said she say Eddie flee in it. They should go get it before someone finds it. "we should go get it, while it's dark out. Where did you-"

Steve, who had turned on heel and was heading to the door, is stopped by Munson, a hand landing solidly on his chest even as he also moves to block the door. "Dude! No! It's hidden, and nowhere near your house. People are gonna know I'm here if they see it."

"Did you miss the empty three car garage we parked in somehow? No one will see it. Especially not if we go get it right now, in the dark."

Munson doesn't look convinced, as his eyes flick away from Steve to his window and back. It would have been missable, the tension in Munson suddenly, except his hand is still on Steve's chest and he feels the twitch of it as Munson seems to steel himself against his own thoughts and- oh.

Munson's entire life has been upended and it's just now coming up on the 24-hour mark. It was just last night that he watched Chrissy die. God, Steve's an idiot. Of course, he doesn't want to go on a midnight adventure to retrieve his van. He probably just wants to try and get some sleep.

Steve brings one of his own hands up to cover Munson's, and aims for reassuring and calm as he says, "Hey. Yeah, it can wait. We got more important things to do tonight."

That brings Munson's eyes back to his face, when they had previously been staring at Steve's hand covering Munson's own. Steve can see some of the old fight and fire back in Munson's eyes. It makes him look less like a traumatized man and more like the person he was when Steve was in school with him, ranting on cafeteria tables and unafraid of anything.

It makes Steve want to kiss him.

He pulls away before he acts on that urge and moves to his dresser. "I'll just get changed and then we can get cozy."

"What side do you normally sleep on? Or, do you have a favorite pillow I shouldn't use?" Eddie asks once Steve's retrieved his own pair of sweats and turned back around. Eddie is eyeing the bed but turns his gaze to Steve while he waits for an answer.

"Uh, no favorite pillow. Just, pick whatever. I'll be right back. Gotta brush my teeth," Steve dips out the room and down the hall to the bathroom.

He's not in the bathroom long. Brushes his teeth and changes, throwing the day’s clothes into the pile he made by the door earlier. He realizes he didn't bring a t-shirt and debates putting the polo back on but decides he doesn't need it. He can sleep without a shirt, it's not like Munson's never seen a guy without a shirt on.

“Okay, so I’ve got more blankets in the-” Steve starts to say as he enter his room, cutting himself off as he loses his train of thought. Munson has not stripped the bed, as Steve thought he would, but instead has crawled into it.

He’s on the far side of the bed, laying on his back, but his face is turned towards the door when Steve enters. He’s under the covers, his own shirt removed if the bare arms and shoulders he can see are any indication. His eyes are closed, so he doesn’t see that Steve is staring at him.

It occures to Steve only now that Munson might have misunderstood where Steve meant for them to sleep.

“Are you going to actually get in the bed, or stare all night?” Munson grumbles without opening his eyes.

Steve should probably clear up the misunderstanding. He should.

Except that he doesn’t feel bad about not doing it. There’s no churning in his gut that says this is a bad idea. Munson seems alright with sharing a bed, and Steve’s slept in the same bed with friends before.

Steve flicks off the light and crosses the room, crawling into his bed and settling on his back, mirroring Munson.

It’ll be fine.

It’s about fifteen minutes of what feels like awkward silence when Munson rolls over in the dark, and Steve does his best to not move. He's probably just rolling in his sleep. It’s been long enough to fall asleep, right? And Munson’s probably exhausted.

Fingers brush his side and goosebumps break out in their wake. Those fingers retreat, and Steve thinks perhaps it was an accident, Munson reaching for something in his sleep that isn't there. But then, the fingers return, press more firmly to his side, sliding along the waistband of his sweats. He feels his muscles spasm beneath Munson's hand and he doesn't know if he wants to pull away or push into it.

"Eddie?" he whispers into the darkness.

"Is this- do you not want...?" Munson whispers back, trailing off his question. He doesn't move his hand away but he does halt its movement.

Does Steve want? Yes, of course he does. He's been simmering on just this side of horny since Munson manhandled him into the wall of the boathouse, bottle to his neck notwithstanding. However, Munson's had a shit 24 hours and needs decent sleep, not Steve being a horndog.

Although.

Steve knows a good orgasm can help with falling asleep. And if Munson is wound up, he's more than willing to help.

He's been silent too long, it seems, because Munson's hand starts to retreat.

"No, no, I do want," Steve breathes out in a rush, bringing his far hand to land atop Munson's -Eddie's- hand, because if he’s going to get off with him, he’s no longer going to be just ‘Munson’ in Steve’s mind. Steve placing his hand on Eddie’s does halt Eddie, so Steve trails his fingertips up Eddie's arm to his elbow and back down to his hand. "But, do you? It's been a long day for you, I think, and we can just sleep."

Eddie let's out a harsh breath, "I'm in thee Steve Harrington's bed and the only thing that's going to be happening is sleep?"

Steve doesn't know what to say to that. Doesn't get why Eddie said his name like that or what he means. Is he being sarcastic? Is he teasing? "I mean, yeah. Beds are for sleeping."

"Do you want this or not?" Eddie asks, slipping a couple fingers beneath his waistband.

Yes, Steve thinks, but you do? His stomach clenches, not really nausea but certainly not the good feeling of the Just Knowing he's gotten used to. He grabs onto Eddie's hand, lifting it from his body and shifting it so they're palm to palm. Steve links his fingers with Eddie's but he doesn't fully return the grip. He hears Eddie's soft gasp as he scoots closer, rolling over and propping himself up at the last moment, taking the hand intertwined with Eddie's as he goes, pressing that hand into the pillow near Eddie's head so that Steve is somewhat hovering over him now. The light is dim but it's enough that Steve can see Eddie's face, see that his eyes are open and wide. "Do you want this?"

He watches as Eddie's brow furrows, like Steve's asked a complex question and not for simple consent. "I- isn't this what you wanted?"

"What?"

"You!" Eddie basically shouts, and if Steve didn't currently have one of Eddie's hands pinned to the bed and the other trapped between their bodies, he's certain Eddie would have thrown them in the air. "You've been, like, super suggestive all fucking night, dude, and I thought- it seemed like you were implying a certain way you'd like to end the night! I... Did I get the wrong read here?"

Steve's a little embarrassed that he's been this obvious. He did try to keep his attraction under wraps, if only to not make Eddie uncomfortable. But he doesn't seem uncomfortable about realizing Steve's little crush on him. And he reached out first. "Yes. Or, no, you didn't read this, me, wrong, but I wasn’t trying to- it's late and you just learned monsters exists, so we can-"

"Great. You want, I want, can we get on with it? You said there were plenty of ways to distract from the horrors. So, distract me, or whatever," Eddie huffs and Steve feels him half roll towards him, hooking a leg over Steve's before falling back to the mattress, a move which pulls Steve closer, his leg slotting in between Eddie's, who now rolls his hips to rub against his leg.

A grin spreads across Steve's face slowly. "Oh, I can distract." He shifts, clasping tighter at the hand already holding Eddie's, gets his leg into a better position for Eddie to roll his hips against and leans down to nose at Eddie's neck, drags his lips along its wake. He's pleased by the soft sigh Eddie lets out, head falling to the side to allow Steve more access. His hair, wild and curly, is in the way, so Steve places his weight on his elbow and uses his free hand to sweep the hair away before dropping a kiss on his shoulder, then another further up, and another. "You okay with biting?"

"Fuck, yeah," Eddie hisses out and Steve grins against his neck, placing a few more kisses there before opening his mouth to nip playfully. Never fully biting down, not in the way Eddie seems to want if the hand that's freed itself from between them and found purchase on the back of his head, trying to push Steve closer is any indication. But that's not what Steve meant by biting; he's more a 'little love nips' kind of man, soothing them quickly with kisses and licks.

"I thought you were going to bite," Eddie groans, sounding annoyed even as he rolls his hips against Steve's thigh.

"I am biting," Steve ends the sentence by nibbling up and down Eddie's neck quickly, which earns him an honest to God giggle from Eddie, who frees his hand from Steve's grasp to shove it into Steve's face, pushing him up and away from his neck. Muffled by Eddie's palm now, Steve adds, "what, too much?"

"Jesus Christ, you are the biggest dork on the planet," Eddie mutters but from between Eddie's spread fingers, Steve can see he looks almost fond. "is this how you treat everyone you bring to bed?"

"Hmm, no," Steve mumbles into the palm still in his face before pressing a kiss there, "just the ticklish ones."

"I am not ticklish!" Eddie squawks indignantly, dropping the hand from Steve's face down to Steve's shoulder. "It just felt weird."

"Pretty sure weird feelings that make you laugh means you're ticklish."

"Yeah, well, you promised biting. Not... whatever the fuck that was," Eddie rolls his eyes.

"Just getting a nibble," Steve grins down at him before grinding his leg against Eddie's cock. God, the feel of him. Steve wants to touch him so bad suddenly. The desire to feel the weight of him in his hand, the velvety feeling along his palm, how his cock might feel in Steve's mouth, how a different a dick not his own in his hand might feel, all of it hits Steve hard.

“Jesus Christ, you’re such a dork,” Eddie says, in a tone of breathless disbelief. Steve thinks the two, the breathlessness and the disbelief, are seperate from each other but he has no real way of knowing. “Have you always been a dork? Does this work for you?”

“It’s working on you right now isn’t it?” Steve lowers his head to whisper the words into Eddie’s ear, “you still want me to touch your dick, right?”

Eddie’s silence is enough to tell Steve that he’s right.

He turns his face into Eddie’s neck and presses his lips to the skin there once more. He drags his lips down to where neck and shoulder meet, pressing a kiss there and trailing them a bit across his shoulder before he finally bites down, pulling a pleased sounding his from Eddie then.

“Can I leave a mark?” Steve asks. He wants to, the possessive part of him wanting to leave a large hickey on Eddie’s neck for people to see and question. Nevermind that the only people who will be seeing him for an unknown amount of time is pretty limited.

“No,” Eddie is quick to say. Steve tries not to let it sting. It makes sense, after all. How would they explain the hickey when the only person Eddie’s been around is Steve? And no matter how much Steve trusts everyone, he still hasn’t come out to them. He wants to do it on his terms, and not because they put two and two together.

Also, Eddie definitely gets a say in whether or not anyone knows about him.

“Well,” Eddie adds, softer than his ‘no’ was, “I guess if it’s somewhere it’ll be hidden by clothing that’s fine.”

That sounds like a good compromise. “Good to know.”

Eddie’s snorted half-laugh turns into a groan as Steve’s hand, which he’d been slowly moving closer to Eddie’s dick, finally makes contact, rubbing teasingly through the boxers for just a moment. Steve adjusts his weight to get more space between his thigh and where he’s trying to slide his hand beneath Eddie’s boxers, tipping his head to look down between their bodies.

Turns out holding someone else’s dick in his hand does feel different. Everything he thought Eddie’s dick would feel like in his hand is true, though; the velvety skin, the weight of it, the warmth. The length is a pleasant surprise. Steve’s not going to whip his own dick out to measure right now, because he wants to focus on making Eddie feel good, but he would place good money on Eddie’s dick being a bit longer than his own.

Steve hopes that this isn’t a one-night, distract-from-the-horrors-only thing, because he really wants to have this dick inside him at some point. Despite the fact that all of Steve’s sexual experience has been woman, he’s experimented. He likes a dildo up the ass, so he thinks he’ll really like Eddie’s dick there.

“Fuck,” Eddie curses, reminding Steve that more than just Eddie’s dick is here in bed with him. A bit embarrassing to have forgotten the rest of the guy. “You’re quite a good distraction.”

Steve looks back up to Eddie’s face and gives a smirk. “I’m just getting started babe.”

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Neither Alive Nor Dead -Pedri González

Song Inspo: Ni Vivo Ni Muerto - Lasso ft. Micro TDH Warnings: Full Angst

Summary: You decide when enough is enough

It's been a whole month and two weeks since you've had a proper sleep, since you have left your house to go out. A whole month and two weeks since Pedri ended your relationship... Well, it wasn't even a serious relationship if you can call it that way. It was more of an affair.

A Friends with Benefits thing.

At the beggining you settled up that there were not romantic feelings involved just trying to get stress and some tension out. Definitely between the two of you had physical atraction.

But you fucked it up.

It was the way he stopped his agressive thrusts to take care of you, asking you if were feeling good. It was the way, he let you sleep on his chest after a passionate moment.

It was the way he started sleeping with you and started spooning you before you both fell asleep. It was the way his eyes light up when you made breakfast or the way when he tried to made you a little meal. It was the little notes he left for you. The smiles he sent you. The random hugs. The way he made you laugh.

You couldn't just have not fallen for him. It was impossible.

But the worst part is that you thought he felt the same way.

After a random night where you both were out of the shower, both of you started dressing up and he let himself fall down on the bed while you looked at him with a fond smile

"What's up?"

You sighed "I love you" You let out as Pedri's smile faded as quickly as it came to his face

"¿Cómo?" (What?) He asked in disbelief inmediately sitting up in the bed, looking at you wide eyed "You what?"

You were shaking with nerves, the tension in the aire shifted from cute, goofy and lovely to tensed and heavy in miliseconds.

"I love you" You repeated this time letting a strong and heavy sigh out

And silence took up on the room for a long while.

"Pedri" You began

"I... Lo siento" He shoook his head "I gotta go"

And with that he started picking up his things

"Pedri, you don't have to-"

"Nos vemos luego, Y/N" He had said walking out of your house and out of your life as well.

You tried to text him, call him and contacted him in any way possible, he just left you on read.

And that's how it's been. Until your best friend came in and threw you a dark blue dress

"Shower. Get changed. Put on some makeup. Put yourself pretty. We're going out tonight"

"Ali-" You began

"I said we're going out tonight. I didn't ask nor hesistated. Do it before I do it by myself, I don't care if I have to shower with you, dress with you, do both of our hairs and make up. I'll do it but you are going out tonight and have a good time. Go!"

You huffed rolling your eyes but still decided to get up and do what she asked

You tried your best, you tried to enjoy your night out, posted a hundred of pics pretending to be happy on Instagram in hopes he saw them and reached out to you but he didn't. You wanted his attention, you didn't wanted to be just another girl.

But it seemed like you were.

Now, it was the fifth time you had gone out with your girls and you still thought of him. You huffed once more, you were tired, random hook ups weren't doing you good seeing as you always thought on the nights were he was with you.

You were honestly getting tired of it, tired of him, of thinking of him while partying, you were tired of calling him, he had you on his knees and he didn't care if you were neither alive nor death. You forgot how to cry, you forgot how to love yourself but it didn't mattered, you only wanted him.

It has been three months now, your progress was slowly getting better you still remembered him sometimes when you were giving your dog food, you remembered him sometimes when you watch a football match but the ache in your chest was getting better.

Almost non-existent.

You only nodded whenever your girls told you they saw him on the market, on the streets and some more and replied a little "Good for him"

You were your first priority, you were realizing that. You deserved better, you were learning to love yourself once more and this time with more force than ever.

Five months since he left you had stopped watching his IG stories, you stopped calling him, texting him, you deleted pictures with him of your phone, his messages were deleted. You forgot how much you missed him, you forgot you loved him, it was your turn to not care for anyone but yourself

You were out with your friends at a restaurant, you had defended your thesis and everything went perfectly and even more than you could ever imagined it. You were proud of yourself for making it this far, remembered all the sleepless nights and the cries when something could go wrong. All the times you used to doubt your capacity to finish it but you did it in less than three months you were officially going to be a surgeon.

The hospital you did your internship with, loved you and your work and they were fully waiting for you to get your degree and be officially one of them.

Everything was going perfect for you.

You felt your phone ding and you laughing looked for it only to freeze when you saw the name on it.

Pedro González: Hola Pedro González: I know it's been a few months since we talked but I just wanted to tell you that you look very beautiful tonight

Your eyes scanned uncounsciously the crowd only to find him sat at a table that was diagonal to yours. You locked eyes with him and saw him wave a bit, you only sent a tight lipped smile at him and left your phone back on the table, trying to keep up with the conversation the guys had on when your phone dinged once more

Pedro González: Can we talk?

"What's up babe?" Your best friend, Allison asked you as you looked at her

"Pedro is messaging me"

"Asshole" You laughed a little nodding

"He wants to talk, what should I say to him?"

"Well, you can see what he's up to? I don't know I mean.... I would say no because I wouldn't want to hear any kind of excuses but at the same time I would say yes, to let him know you don't care anymore for him and put that an endline" You looked at her impressed

"You should've gone for Phsycology instead of Law" She hit your arm lightly

"Tonta" You laughed

"So... Yes?" You asked and she shrugged her shoulders

"Do what you want, baby" She smiled "I trust you have all the power to tell him off, if that's what you want. But if you also want him back, it's up to you. Or if you just want to be on good terms, that's also good" You nod "Just scream if you need some help. I'll take the glass and smash it against his head" You laughed out loud

You loved her and you were thankfull of having her by your side ever since high school

And with that you sent a single text 'Okay. Where and when?'

Pedro González: It's okay the terrace in five minutes?

You sent the thumbs up emoji and left your phone on the table, laughing at something Kenneth, one of your collegues and friend had said, you also watched how Camila, his girlfriend stained his white button up shirt without meaning to with her meat

"No, genial" He had murmured

"¡Mi amor, lo siento tanto!" She said making you guys laugh lightly. Only those things happen to the poor Kenneth, from the corner of your eye you saw Pedri standing up from his table, you looked at him and he nodded lightly at you.

You got the message.

"I'll be in the bathrooom really quick, guys" You announced standing up as well, you felt an arm wrap around your waist and you smiled

"Don't take too long, ¿sí?" You smiled nodding

"You won't die without my presence for a few minutes"

"I could enter into a coma" You faked surprise gasping a little, leaving the table.

You made your way to the little stairs that get to the terrace watching Pedri's back as he stared at the Spaniard night

"Hola" You broke the ice with a light smile

You didn't hated him at all, you moved on and he, now, was just someone from your past you used to know. You didn't hold any kind of resentment against him.

He turned around to see you "Hola" He breathed out

"¿Qué tal todo?" (How's everything going on?) You ask walking up to be next to him, leaning on the railing watching the cars pass by and the lighted up buildings

"Good, I've been better tho" He mumbled the last part "You?"

"I'm great, really great actually" You said excited with a smile on

"I'm glad you are" He said looking at you as you looked back at him

"Thanks. I hope everything gets better for you tho" You say trying to reassure him as he nodded lightly "So... What you wanted to talk about?" You ask

"I'm just sorry about how everything turned out" You sighed lightly "I shouldn't have left that night, I should've stayed and I should've also replied to all of your calls and messages, I shouldn't have ghosted you at all. I'm sorry and I have come to realize that I love you too"

Now that shocked you

"Pedri" You said shacking your head but he grabbed both of your hands in his

"Please, hear me out. I know what I did was wrong and awful but I regret it, I missed you more and more each time, everytime I was with another girl all I could imagine was you, they weren't like you, I realized it too late. And I'm an idiot for letting you go away but if you still want, we can give this a chance? Give me another chance? I swear I'll do better, I'll be the man you need"

"Pedri, stop" You shook your head

"I know I hurt you and I'm fucking sorry for it, you didn't deserved it and you deserve someone better but I can be better for you. We're at your terms, we can go at any pace you want"

"Pedri, I'm sorry" You shook your head "I can't"

"Please, I'll be better, I'll be someone worthy of you and your love, I can be your someone, please let's just-"

"You can't be worthy of me nor my love, Pedro" You said with determination on your voice shaking your head "I'm sorry but I can't give you what you want because I don't want you anymore" You said

"I felt so horrible, so awful during all of that time and you didn't batted a single eye for me, why should I give you something you didn't give to me in the first place? I was so in love with you it was heartbreaking" You pulled your hands away from his and crossed them in front of your chest

"I was always thinking of you, I always wanted you to call, text or tell me a sign we could be something. I started thinking I was a planet and you were the sun because it seemed like my existence was fully around you and that's sick" You said "In the process of loving you I started unloving myself and that's not something I can't let myself go for again, I crossed the line and I'm not planning on crossing it again"

"I'm sorry" Pedri said shaking his head, tears polling at his eyes

"Don't cry" You assured him "It doesn't hurt anymore" He looked away from you

"Please" He breathed out

"I don't think it's good for us to stay in contact right now, you need to heal as well and find yourself once more"

"Y/N" You smiled at him hugging him a bit

"Take care of yourself, please. Maybe we can be friends in a future, you'll always be someone who I gave a piece of my heart to, either good or bad and I'll always love you, not in a certain kind of way but in a thank you and I hope the best for you way" You smiled left a kiss on his cheek "We are in peace, Pepi" You called him like you always used to with a smile "Gotta go" And with that you left the terrace with the feeling of this heavy weight leaving your shoulders

You came back and the guys were picking their stuffs up

"What's up?"

"We wanted to go around the park, Kenneth vió que harán un pequeño festejo de fuegos artificiales" Juan Camilo, your two months boyfriend said "Don't worry, I asked for your dessert to be wrapped to go"

"Thank you" You replied softly to him watching him grab your coat and help you put it on, he smiled at you pulling you into him by the waist and kiss you on your lips

You smiled leaning into him when you saw Pedri come back from the terrace, his eyes on you and your boyfriend, he only nodded with a tight smile, meanwhile the guys paid the bill, he walked over to you

"Congratulations, hombre" Pedri said to Juan Camilo "You have gotten the most perfect girl in the world" He looked at you with sad eyes "Do me a favor, love her everyday and don't hurt her. She deserves the best things in life"

"Will do, mate" Pedri nodded

"Hopefully see you soon, platanito" He smiled at you "Wish you the best"

And with that Pedri left you guys alone. You smiled knowing you just closed a chapter in a good way, you may not go back again with him but you could be happy for you and for him too.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

@gaviypedrisbride

[bcbdrums]

for the otp asks 9, 18 and 30 for soma? and spiritstein if you want

oooh... heheh, i'll answer for both, yes.

9. If they got engaged… who proposed? 

For Soul and Maka, Soul proposed. Only cuz he beat Maka to it. She was nervous, going back and forth on whether or not she should, worried he'd say no for a variety of reasons, and while she was busy warring against nerves he banished his own and took her hands over the first place they spilled blood together, their first battleground... Told her he wanted to protect her forever as more than her weapon... Aaaaaaahhhhh FEELS!!! Meanwhile for Stein and Spirit... Uh... I think I answered this in a prior ask answer already but I'll answer again. Spirit, 100% because Stein is indifferent regarding conventions. Spirit meanwhile is just as anxious and back and forth as Maka (lol) but would finally blurt it out probably under pressure and then absolutely lose it bawling because Stein would just be like, whatever. But in a 'whatever you want' way, not a rejection. Stein just doesn't think about those sorts of conventions. It's Sherlock Holmes and the solar system, for him.

18. Evening rituals?

I probably don't understand this question, but here we go. My mind is jumping straight to anime canon for Soul and Maka. Maka sticks to strict bedtime routines. Goes to bed at the same time each night, brushes her teeth exactly two minutes (she and Kid vibe hard at times), fixes her hair, and then reads herself to sleep or has a timer in case she isn't sleepy. Gotta get those eight hours in before school! Soul meanwhile....has no routine. He remembers to brush his teeth only because Maka's routine is so annoying to him. The dude falls into bed annoyed that she's so strict cuz he'd like to hang out with her a bit outside of school. So gradually, gradually... He convinces her to loosen up, and then they have weekly movie nights on the sofa. And afterward (and every night) her sweet little "good night, Soul" absolutely sends him. Poor boy can't sleep cuz he's pining so much. But these movie nights also lead to book nights. Which he complains all the way through cuz he's genuinely not interested in most of her books. And then when he is interested in some, he has to keep up the act that he isn't... Heheh. These two just spending nights in bickering like an old married couple. That's the routine. And if they ever happen to fall asleep during the movie and her head falls on his shoulder, he ain't waking her. She'd wake up tho when his drool hits her cheek, loool. For Stein and Spirit my brain is jumping all over the place... Academy days I have too many thoughts, so I don't think I should go there in this post (it'll be WAY too long). So, future them... A future where they're together. They're both so used to being alone that they would initially continue their typical routines, some of which look like the academy days. They do their own thing, follow their own interests. Spirit has a drink perhaps, goes to bed when he feels like it, reads himself to sleep (like Maka haha). Stein stays up studying something with no conception of time, falls asleep over the book or not at all. But eventually something, some triggering incident of which I'm not presently conceiving would lead them to end up sleeping on the sofa together. The personal routines wouldn't change, but then on nights when either decided they didn't want to be alone, they'd just linger in the other's presence as a sort of nonverbal cue, and sofa time would become a thing. And then I think Spirit...now at this point with the understanding that they're together, that this is real and isn't going to be lost again, would be the one to say either if he wants it or if he sees Stein in a place of needing it....would say, "hey, uhh why don't you come sleep in my room tonight?" Poor nervous sop. And then after that, that would just be a thing. One night Stein would announce amid the usual nighttime quiet, "I'm going to bed. You coming?" So it would vary between nights. And eventually reach a place of...it doesn't need to be spoken. They can exist in their quiet personal routines of study and reading and if one decides it's sleep time, they know the other will eventually follow.

30. When did they realize they loved each other?

(manga mentions/spoilers coming for those who don't want spoilers) Soul... He was definitely deeply attracted to her by the time they were in Spartoi, but I think he was attracted to her all along. Just by then it was deeper and then it was just sort of an... "oh" moment for him somewhere before the end... I wanna say he knew before Russia, but was able to focus on his feelings more after Russia. He had other stuff he was dealing with too that had priority. But yeah, like "oh, these feelings are love, but, of course I love her." So yeah just...like that. And then with Maka, I think she was also attracted to him from the very beginning and was interested in romance before he was. And I think...after he became a death scythe is when it really hit her like....everything in the world has reached a new level of seriousness, and my feelings are serious too. However, being a teenager, she didn't know what yet to do with those feelings. And here now we have the contrasting pair who didn't figure themselves out in their youth.... This bit is gonna be longer now, haha. Spirit has always loved Stein but the way he loves him has changed over time. Just like Soul and Maka, they started as partners which means a trust in the other for their lives. But, realizing he loves loves him... I don't think it was until long after he lost him. Probably in those years when he was most alone, absent wife, young daughter to raise...he suddenly realized how much he missed his real partner. But then thinking he's long past any hope of fixing that he doesn't engage his heart toward him. So a two-fold realizing... This, and then post-canon. If he can be brave enough to allow himself to open his heart up again to the possibility... He already knows how he feels. The issue is he doesn't think he has a chance at happiness anymore. Aaaaand Stein. Unhealthy obsession and confusion which I won't detail here because it will really take too long (ask me if you want me to elaborate on his feelings and how they changed over time), but he felt it when they were still teenagers, somewhere in the midst of fearing losing Spirit and actually losing him he'd start to be understanding that this is one of his feelings, but then he...accepts the loss. He doesn't think he has any other choice. The sad thing is with him it's a bit different... He accepts the loss, but his feelings only grow stronger over time. His heart is never closed in fear once he understands, like Spirit's is. His heart remains open despite thinking there's no chance of coming together. Stein would do anything...anything to show Spirit he loves him, even though he's certain there's no chance of coming together again. Post-canon I think it's he with his open heart...after the experiences of beating madness (both canons) who would be the brave one and make the move. Aaaaaahhhh I'm getting into SO much of my headcanons and giving away hints at future fics here, so I must cease.

These were VERY fun questions to answer, thank you for the ask!

[bullet-prooflove]

The Dozen Red Roses Prompt List

Please check the updated character list on my pinned post to see who I am writing for before submitting a prompt!

Also read the rules and do not forget to put the entire prompt into your ask!

Girls like you make a damn good country song

You knew the house was burning down I had to get out

If I told you my heart couldn't beat one more minute without you, girl

Where I see the flaws and scars you see perfection

first girl I told I love her

I brought flowers to your door last night

Got your six string, I set it on fire

You were digging a grave for me

If I gave you my hand, would you take it And make me the happiest man in the world?

I love the way my t-shirt is fallin' off your shoulder

You have a key to my house and half of my cloest

Instead of picking out a dress that won't do you justice How 'bout you slip into nothin' 

The first song and I felt that ache

You'll always be the one I saw forever with

And you'll crawl back through fire and snow 'Cause there ain't no other place to go

Pain in written letters,

So come back to bed, baby don't leave

People fall out of love and people break up but we were never gonna

Girl, you know that I ain't done loving you

And you'll wake up all alone On an old beat-down dirt country road

It ain't even fair the way you're wearin' that black dress

If my song comes on, and I get lost on that dance floor In somebody's arms that ain't yours

I gеt you in my hands and it's all over

You gave me your heart, gave you heartbreak

That girl she stole my Car

Stuck in rain storms, I could get used to this different weather

Being stoned and drunk don’t mix with loving her

Left me with the sunrise Hungover in my bed

I don’t want to think about who she’s with, where she is or how bad I miss her now.

Roll the dice, you know love is a gamble

Can't see the knife when you're too close

Whatever you want tonight, I'll do it

It's been a long time since I had you to myself And I don't wanna share you with no one else

Dancing in the kitchen led to red wine painted on your lips And taking my time kissin' it off

Yeah, you'll always be the diamond that I picked out

Yeah, what can I say, babe, you broke up with me

Got me tipsy, leaned in to kiss me

Trail of clothes down the hall led to all night long, 

If I had two dozen roses, would it change your mind?

Got me fallin' back in time, got you sayin' that you miss me Leanin' in to kiss me

You'll always be my first time, in New Orleans

And I'm worried sick over you

We're supposed to be broke up, but that bed's rockin'

I've been tryna say goodbye But I'm gone miss you, girl, the second you gone

You ain't gotta beg, baby, save your breath

I might not always be yours But girl, you'll always be mine

Go on and bet it all, baby, we can't lose

And I don’t wanna be that way but my thoughts run wild on the pillowcase

Well I spent a lifetime lookin' for you

The way you said my name, the way you pulled me close

And I almost, call Just to see if you're sleeping alone

[legacyshenanigans]

Would the two tmdo anything different if they were taking a virginity?

I think I've done a post similar to this, but it was a while back now. Yes, both Marvolo and Rowan would change up their ways if they found out in the moment that someone they were about to sleep with was a virgin. I mean, it's not something they'd be used to, but yeah.

Marvolo🐍:

Marvolo: *kissing them next to his bed, before he pulls back and smirks, pushing them harshly onto his sheets, before he leans over them and slides his hand down their underwear*

Them: *nervous gasp* W-Wait!

Marvolo: *narrows his eyes in thought, and pulls alway slowly* ... Not a reaction I was expecting..You seemed very eager to come home with me...Are you alright? Do you not wish to carry on?

Them: No, I do, I do.. It's just, I...I'm a virgin, just so you know..

Marvolo: Ah..I see. *playful smile* Then you're definitely going to learn some things tonight *small chuckle* However.. *leans over them again and smirks once more* I'll try my best to be a little more...Gentle.

Rowan🐺:

Rowan: *groaning and grunting as he crashes into his room with them, making out heavily, starting to rip at their clothes*

Them: *nervous mewl*

Rowan: *instantly stops and looks at them a little confused* Somethin' wrong?

Them: N-No..I'm just.. I'm a virgin..Thought you should know.

Rowan: *eyes widen slightly* Heh..*clears his throat* Wow..Well erm...I definitely ain't used to this..Do ya not wanna..You know?

Them: I do, definitely. I'm just, nervous. Didn't know you were going to be so rough with me.

Rowan: I mean..Heh, I gotta warn ya, I can get a little wild, but...I'll try and be more chill *smiles*

~

[andreafmn]

In the Heat of the Moment | Part 3

Word Count: 5K

Pairing: Jake Sully x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader, mentioned Neteyam x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Story Description: Every month female Omatikayans go through their heat whilst men go through their rut. It’s a time for mates to engage in the most animalistic desires. But when one of the two is gone, it can be a rather painstaking endeavor. With Neteyam gone on a hunting trip, (Y/N) has to go through her heat alone for the first time. Or does she?

Warnings: SMUT (+18, minors DNI), infidelity, p in v sex, public sex, semi-public sex, edging

All characters are of age/over 18

A/N: I’m so excited about this one-shot turned series and I'm glad so many of you enjoy it as well! All other parts have been laid out, all I've gotta do is write them jijiji 🤭 but you'll be getting them soon. Once I'm finished with this series, I think I'll be able to get to my others. My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing🥺👉👈. Hope you enjoy, and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

Dedicated to @sweetllamaparadise! If you thought you had a surprise coming back to part 2, here's part 3 😜

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If you’d like to be tagged in any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!

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In the Heat of the Moment | Part 3

It wasn’t right. None of it was. And it shouldn’t have felt like it could be. 

But entangled in each other’s arms, their bodies as close as possible, that was how it felt like. 

In dreams, everything felt possible. Under the safe shade of slumber, nothing could ever be wrong. She felt warm and protected, comforted under the idea that everything was as it should have been. 

Alas, dreams end the second one wakes. 

“Did you hear that?” (Y/N) startled awake, her body shooting up at the possibility of someone lurking outside. “Ma Jake!”

His eyes fluttered, exhaustion still weighing on them. Until he too heard what had woken her up. On the outside of the tent, a branch had snapped. This could have easily been gravity’s fault, but it could indicate that someone was approaching and could witness the depravity that had gone down inside (Y/N)’s and Neteyam’s marital nest. 

They scrambled to cover themselves, tying their loincloths around their waists, and the girl scattered to dress in a poncho Kiri had gifted her after her rite of passage ceremony — the same night she had been mated to Neteyam. It was a tighter knit than the one the Sully daughter wore and, paired with the necklace her husband had woven for her, it was sure to hide the purple marks that were scattered across her body. 

Her heart tightened as she dressed in gifts from her husband and sister-in-law. There she was, trying to hide the aftermath of a crazed morning with Jake using presents his own children had given her. A reminder of the people who would truly get hurt if their entanglement was ever discovered. 

Footsteps got closer to (Y/N)’s nest, leaves crunching under their feet. The sound made her heart punishing, loud enough she could hear it in their fluttering ears. The steps were getting closer. Too close. Close enough they would find Jake and the wife of his son together. 

Then, they disappeared. It was merely someone passing by. No one had been eavesdropping or spying on them. Just a clan member walking. 

“That was close,” Jake chuckled before hugging the shaking girl. “Probably shouldn’t have fallen asleep.” 

“Sleep wasn’t the problem, Jake. It was everything else,” she worried. “We need to talk about this. Talk about putting a stop to…”

Jake didn’t want to have that conversation, at least not at that moment. He wanted to savor the moment, savor her for the time he could. “Tonight,” he responded, interrupting her sentence. “We can talk tonight. After dinner.”

“Jake…” 

“After dinner.” He made his way to the entrance, stopping at the flap to gift her a smile before exiting. “I promise. Just go about your day, baby girl. We’ll talk later.” 

He left a second later, leaving (Y/N) reeling and confused. A million thoughts were running through her head, mostly how everything she had done would devastate the people she loved the most. It was bad enough that she had been unfaithful to her husband, but she could ruin two families because she had made a bad decision. 

A bad decision that made her feel so good. A choice that made her thrilled and terrified all at the same time. It filled her with an excitement that took over her completely, body and mind. An overwhelming sensation that clouded all reason. 

She was questioning everything, her head drowning in thoughts as she made her way to Mo’at’s tent for her studies. (Y/N) could barely reciprocate the hellos people threw her way as she walked by, too entranced by the thoughts in her mind. 

“What is troubling your mind, child?” Mo’at broke her out of her trance, the mixture she had to turn into a paste already past its state. “You have been distracted these past few days.”  

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she responded. She could not leave any space for interpretation. If anyone could read words unsaid, it would be her Tsahik. “I guess I haven’t been sleeping well.”  

“I think I know why.” (Y/N)’s heart pounded against her chest. Had it been her outside her tent? Could it be that Neytiri’s mother had witnessed her daughter’s husband sleeping with his daughter-in-law? “Your heart is uneasy. You are missing your husband. I know this is the first time he’s been away for so long.”  

“Yes,” she breathed. “I am missing Neteyam. It’s weird to wake up and not have him there.” Because she was waking up with someone else. “I know seven days is not much, but I’ve always been with him every day for years. I feel like I am going insane without him.”  

“Love does make one crazy,” Mo’at chuckled. “It is okay to miss your husband, my child. It is only natural that you’re uneasy when the one you love is away. But your connection with Neteyam is unbreakable. No matter how far he is, or you are, you and that child are always bound to one another. Through Eywa, your souls will forever be affixed together.” 

“That is true,” she forced a smile. Though her words were meant to be comforting, they only helped to tighten the coil in her heart. It reminded her of the abominable actions she had participated in. “I just have to hold on for four more days.” 

“It is okay to miss Neteyam. Let your heart ache for your husband.” She reached over and placed a hand on (Y/N)’s chest. “Your heart is strong and it calls for him to be near. When you love someone so much even seconds can feel like an eternity when they are far.” 

“It makes me feel weak,” (Y/N) confessed. “If I can’t handle him being away for seven days. What will happen if he needs to be away longer? If – Eywa forbid – the sky-people come back and he has to defend our people on long missions? Will I become crazed and reckless?” More than she already had?

“Pray Eywa that day never comes, ‘eveng. But you’ve only been married a year, and you’ve spent your whole life with Neteyam by your side” Mo’at continued. “In time, that twinge in your heart will become easier and easier to bear. When he comes back, talk to him. You’ll find ways to cope with his absence, together. You are a unit now, (Y/N). Bonded, mind, body, and soul, in this life and after.”  

“I needed to hear that, ma Mo’at. Irayo si.” 

“If you ever need someone to talk to, ʼeveng, know I am here for you,” the woman smiled. “My door is always open for you. No matter what.”  

If only she knew. “Thank you,” (Y/N) answered. “I promise to try my hardest to docs on my work. No more liquified mixtures.”  

“It’s quite alright, ʼeveng. Kiri made enough yesterday. We can work on something else today.”  

Hours passed quickly as (Y/N) put her worries aside and chose to focus on her work. She concentrated on the ingredients before her to make healing ointments, the fabrics they used to wrap wounds, and pushed Jake deep in her head. 

And everything was perfectly fine whilst she was safe in the confines of her tsahik’s tent. There she did not have to worry about Jake and his beguiling allure, did not have to worry about his children finding out about them, and definitely did not have to worry about how much she was hurting Neteyam. She could be as oblivious and carefree as she needed to be. 

It was easy to ignore her reality when curtained walls separated her from the real world. But time waited for no one, and the sun had started to set signaling the end of her work day. The moment had come to face Jake Sully and his children. 

As she walked to the Sully family tent, (Y/N) busied herself by chewing the inside of her cheek. There was no need to be nervous, she thought. Eating meals with the family was something she had done for years. Nothing new. 

She could hear their voices from the other side of the tent, sibling squabbles and a reprimanding father. That was their normal, the family she belonged to. 

“(Y/N)!!” Tuk exclaimed as the woman walked through the entrance. Forgetting whatever argument she has been involved in with Lo’ak, the younger girl ran to her sister-in-law and wrapped her in a tight hug. “I’ve missed you.” 

“I missed you too, Tuk,” she smiled. “But I’m here now, and I am starving.” 

She looked around the room. Everyone had taken their place around the table, there was only one space available. 

“Here, (Y/N),” Jake smirked. “I saved you a seat.” 

Her breath hitched in her throat. There was no plausible excuse not to sit next to him that wouldn’t reveal their complicated relationship. Especially not when Sully’s children held expectant smiles on their faces. Her only choice was to take the place next to Jake. 

There wasn’t much space to keep a comfortable distance from the older man. She crossed her legs as she sat next to him, her knee pressed to the skin of his thigh. Warmth spreading through where their bodies touched. Only a grade of their skin, and had already started affecting her. 

It shouldn’t have rippled through her the way it had, least of all in front of the family. Still, she couldn’t help the theater that started to pool between her legs. She couldn’t stop the way it coursed through her and filled her with wanton anticipation. 

“I’m glad you’ve joined us, (Y/N),” Kiri commented as the girl settled next to Jake. “I know how hard these couple of days have been for you. We all miss Neteyam, but I know it’s worse for you.” 

“I don’t miss him,” Lo’ak grinned. “He could stay away for longer if he wanted.” 

“Lo’ak,” his sister reprimanded. “He doesn’t mean that. Lo’ak is just jealous Nete got to go on the hunting trip and he didn’t.” 

“You still have much to learn, son,” Jake interjected. “And we all know your brother is more experienced in hunting. Soon enough you’ll be able to go on these trips with your mother. For now, it’s Neteyam that helps train the young ones.” 

At the mention of her husband’s name, his father placed a hand on (Y/N)’s thigh. Her heart raced and her body tensed. It was a mindless move, too daring to do in front of his family. But he continued to move it higher and higher across the valley of her skin 

To her, it was a brash touch. A careless decision on his part. To him, it was calculated. He was testing her reactions. Jake wanted to see just how far he could take it before she broke. Test how long she could keep herself composed before she was pleading to him to take her. The daringness of doing it in front of his family only worked to add to the thrill of the moment. 

“But I know (Y/N) here missed Neteyam just a bit more than all of us,” Jake said. His hand was centimeters away from her core, reaching for her heat slowly. One more slide and his pinkie could slide under her loincloth, shielded by their table. ‘I’m sure it’s just as much as I miss Neytiri. Everything is difficult when your mate is away. One day you’ll all understand that.” 

“At least you still got us, (Y/N),” Lo’ak chuckled. “We’ll keep you busy until Neteyam comes back.” 

His boyish behavior helped the ache in her body, grounding her in the reality of the moment. She grasped Jake’s hand before it could get any closer, giving it a warning squeeze. This couldn’t happen. Not here.

But Jake was nothing but persistent. He escaped (Y/N)’s grasp and continued his exploration. His hand pushed her loincloth aside and found her wetness. Just like he knew she’d be, she was drenched. 

“Exactly, son,” he smirked. He had gathered her slick and started teasing the bundle of nerves between her legs. (Y/N)’s hand gripped his wrist tightly, trying with all of her might to push him away. But his determination was stronger than her will. “We’re here for whatever you need, (Y/N).” 

(Y/N) forced a painful smile to share with the family, her strength reserved to hide the fact that their father was touching her under the table and sending waves of pleasure through her body. His fingers caressed her clit, alternating speeds to tease the girl. It was a game to him, and he wanted to enjoy every second of it.

The family continued eating and chattering, focused on their sibling quarrels and the spread before them. (Y/N) tried her best to focus as well, adding commentary here and there, and munching on the food before her. But her concentration fell into swallowing down moans and groans as Jake continued his attack. He brought her close enough to her peak, only to remove his hands and bring her down. Simply to ambush her again and repeat the process. 

Yet, her body was starting to betray her. She had to hold her over-excited tail, keep her ears from fluttering, and steady her breathing as best as she could. She felt like a bubble filling and filling with air, threatening to burst at any point. And Jake did nothing more but smirk the whole time. 

The music was building inside her. The crescendo of another orgasm reaching its limit. Jake could already tell. He had started to learn her tells, how her body spoke when they were together. He pressed on. The circling of her clit grew faster and faster, gathering her essence to glide over it easily. 

His ministrations siphoned a moan from her as he allowed her to finish… right there… in front of the family. Thankfully, she was quick enough to hide it with a loud cough, throwing her head forward and hiding it with one of her arms. 

“Are you okay, (Y/N)?” Tuk questioned, passing her a cup of water. 

“Uh, just fine,” (Y/N) smiled. They were all oblivious to what their father had done as he placed a concerned mask on his face. “Food just went down the wrong pipe.”

Jake removed his hand from between her legs, using it to pat her on the back. If there was one thing he was good at, it was functioning perfectly under pressure. 

He made sure the fingers he’d placed on her didn’t make contact with her skin. After pretending he was helping her, he made sure she was watching as he placed those same digits into his mouth. His face contorted in pleasure as he savored her taste on his fingers. 

“I know the food is good, but you gotta be careful, (Y/N),” he chuckled. “Is it me or is this the sweetest utumauti we’ve ever had?” 

“Must be yours dad,” Lo’ak answered. “Mine taste like always.” 

“You might be right, son. Might be mine.” 

The rest of the dinner went smoothly. With everyone keeping their hands to themselves, (Y/N) found the remnant of her time there comforting. Being around the family always made her feel elated. Having lost her mother at a young age and her father a few years back, the Sullys had taken her under their wing, in more ways than one.  

She was saying her goodbyes to the Tuk after agreeing to spend the next day with Kiri and Lo’ak once her duties were completed when she felt Jake’s figure behind her. He towered over her, the warmth from his body reaching her without a single touch. 

“Alright, gang. I’m gonna take (Y/N) back to her tent,” Jake announced to his family, only he and (Y/N) knew the intent behind his words. “Then, I have some things I have to do. Might end up crashing on a snonivi to not wake you guys. Don’t wait up, alright?”

“Yes, sir,” they all chorused. 

The name sent shivers through (Y/N)’s body. The same name she had moaned against his ear as he filled her. It was a sign of respect from the children, but it was a filthy name she got to call him. 

They walked in silence to her nest, careful of their steps. The night had already crept around the village and many peacefully slept. The sounds of a few people talking mixed with the whistling of the wind filled the gaps in the quiet, not many were still awake. The air was warm and comfortable laced with something (Y/N) couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

Until Jake pushed her against a tree in a secluded area that is. 

Her skin was buzzing as Jake kissed her roughly, his hand gripping at her waist as he pushed her deeper into the tree. The bark was rough against the skin of her back, leaving red and angry scratches on her back. She held onto his neck, needing any support to stabilize her body against the attack. 

“Jake,” she struggled out. His lips focused only on hers. “Ma Jake, we can’t do this here.” 

“There’s no one around, baby girl,” he groaned in her ear. He took her hand and guided it onto the hardened member that was tenting his loincloth. “I can’t wait. I don’t wanna wait.” 

“Anyone could catch us. Rutxe, ma Jake. We’re almost there.”

“I want you here and now, (Y/N).” His tone was menacing, but not threatening. He was establishing dominance, he was showing her who was the one calling the shots. “And I know you do too. Remember I can smell you, baby girl. I know you didn’t get enough at dinner.” 

A whimper left her mouth as Jake snaked his hand between her legs, witnessing what he had already done to her. She was putty in his hands. A single touch had her knee buckling, her hands gripping tightly onto his arms. He pushed his fingers into her, stretching her out without much preamble. No gentleness, no decorum. 

He thrust quickly into her, curling the tip of his three fingers to attack her bundle nerves from the inside as his thumb worked it from the outside. It was an onslaught of pleasure to her body that had her biting down on her lower lip to camouflage the moans that threatened to spill out. 

Her arousal mixed with the danger of not only being caught with Jake, but being caught out in the open with him. She should not have been that excited to have her father-in-law’s fingers inside her whilst any clan member, even his own children, could catch them in the act. Adrenaline, cortisol, and the strongest fervor ransacked her body. 

Jake felt her walls clenching around him as his pace quickened, his fingers chasing her climax. His yellow eyes were focused on her face. Her tightly shut eyes, the red hue that overtook her blue skin, her lowered ears, and the droplet of blood that had formed from biting her lip. 

He knew she wanted to scream and yell out just how good he could make her feel. And he wished he could hear her. He wanted nothing more than to have her moans fill his ears, her whines and whimpers making them flicker. Instead, he crashed his lips onto her, his tongue licking across her bottom one. Pressed against him, she let out her sounds, muffled into his mouth. 

She came around his fingers, wrapping her arms around his neck as she felt her body grow weak. Out there, where anyone could see, she had orgasmed with her chief’s fingers buried deep inside her. 

“I know you’re not yet spent,” he chuckled against her. “You’ve got more in you, baby girl.” 

He flipped her over, pressing her chest onto the tree. His hands roamed her body, tracing the expanse of it with his fingers. As he pushed her loincloth to the side with one hand, he grabbed himself with the other. He aligned himself with her entrance, chuckling at the look of surprise that spread across (Y/N)’s eyes. 

“Ready?” The question was a formality. He was not asking her, not really. Jake was reminding her who was in control, whose will was being fulfilled. 

In one thrust, his length spread her folds and he was buried to the hilt. His ships pressed against her skin, her tightness enveloping him fully. As he groaned quietly at the feeling of her walls around him, (Y/N) found herself slapping a hand on her mouth to swallow the moan she felt at the stretch. 

Her body was growing used to having him inside. His size tested her to new lengths, filling her insides entirely. He made her feel erratic and injudicious. Whenever he was near her, she threw all caution to the wind. All the worries that clouded her mind when they were apart seemed to dissipate the second his hands were on her. 

His pace was relentless and messy. His hips met her backside harshly, the sounds of their skin swallowed only by the call of the wind dancing through the branches of the trees. He gripped her hips strongly, chasing his own finish as fast as he could. He was desperate and extremely aroused. All he could think of at that moment was his own finish.

Spending the whole day apart had birthed a deep want inside him that could only be satiated by (Y/N). He had spent his time with flashes of their encounters firing inside his head, the pressure in his stomach tightening at every scene. Her smell was eternally permeated in his nostrils, the feel of her skin tingling across his palms, the feeling of her clenching walls hugged him. She was intoxicating and he was insatiable. He only had three more days with her and he would take advantage of every second. 

“I’m so close, baby girl,” he whispered against her ear. “I know you are too. I can feel you.  

(Y/N) whimpered in response. Jake was right. As much as she wanted to pretend that he didn’t know her body, he had learned everything about it in very little time. She could feel the way her own body reacted to him, the way she tightened against him, the way she drenched at the mere thought of having him inside her. It was an experience she never thought she would have with someone that wasn’t Neteyam. 

His hand circled her body, two of his fingers assaulting her aching bud to push her climax over the top. He circled and massaged the bundle of nerves as quickly as he pistoned into her. His chest heaved with his sharp breaths. The hand he kept on her hip dug into her soft skin, denting its way into it. Their tails were entangled with one another, pushing the other closer together. 

It didn’t take long for Jake to bottom out inside her, his seed once more mixing with her essence – a reoccurring and now natural occurrence to them. His body slumped against her, his arms wrapping around her waist to stabilize her body. Their breathings were matched, the sweat on their bodies glistened, their arms and tails enveloping them close. 

“We should… we should go,” (Y/N) breathed. “We can’t get caught here, Jake. Let’s go.” 

“Yes, we should,” he grinned. “Because I’m not done with you just yet.” 

Jake grabbed her hand, leading her quickly to her nest. For them, the night had just started. They walked fast, jumping over branches and dodging tents and hammocks. Until they finally reached the privacy of her nest. 

Before the entrance flap was fully closed, Jake attacked her lips with his. He devoured her mouth and explored her, only breaking the kiss to remove the three pieces of clothing that covered her body. Pieces that had such strong sentimental value, mindlessly scattered on the ground. Discarded like unnecessary obstacles that stood in the way of their main objective instead of the meaningful items they were. 

“Wait, wait, sir,” she panted. “We need to talk. We have to talk.” 

“Not now, little one,” Jake groaned. “Let’s just enjoy this – enjoy us. We don’t have much time left, and I know you’re enjoying this just as much as I am.” 

“But…” 

“No buts, (Y/N).” He was frustrated – sexually and mentally. He was sure of what he wanted at that moment. He knew he wanted her. “I told you this morning. If you don’t want this, if you want me to go, just tell me.” 

“That’s not what I want. I don’t want you to go. But I think…” 

“Stop thinking, (Y/N)!” His voice boomed, exasperation laced with his words. But as she flinched slightly at his tone, his eyes grew softer. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her. Jake placed a hand on her cheek, his thumb running over her cheek comfortingly. “I’m sorry. We just have our hours counted, baby girl. I don’t want to waste them talking about what we both know inevitably will happen.”  

“Three days then,” she conceded. “In three days we have to talk about this.” 

“Yes! Three days.” He pecked her lips, a smile spreading on his face. “I promise in three days we’ll talk all you want, but let’s enjoy our time now without worrying about the future. So, can we just have these moments? Even if we’re delusional enough to think everything is normal between us. Can we just pretend?” 

“Yes, we can,” she returned the smile. “Now, kiss me.” 

She stood on her tiptoes to crash her lips onto his, her hands placed at both sides of his face to pull him to her. He was right, she thought. It did not matter how much they talked about it or how she didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of what they were doing. The deed had already been done and she had loved it. Talking would never turn back time nor would it ever smother the flame that had ignited inside her. 

Jake placed his hands under her thighs, prompting her to jump and wrap her legs around his waist. Their kiss was feverish and needy. No matter how much they pushed against each other it simply didn’t feel close enough. Their tongues fought for dominance, sliding in synchronization against each other. 

“Goddess, I need to be inside you. Now,” he said as he lowered her onto the mat, her back against the sheets. 

“Then, what are you waiting for?”  

With a smirk on his face, Jake wasted no time using his cock to spread her open, their recent releases aiding as he glided into her. His eyes fell closed as he felt her around him again, the overwhelming feeling of her tightness still as fresh as their first time. He felt himself freeze, relishing in the sensation. 

(Y/N) took this as an opportunity to start their pace, grinding down on him at a slow pace – the position was not good enough to go faster. She took advantage of his surprise to switch their positions, his back thudding onto the mattress as her legs straddled his lap. 

“You’re learning,” Jake chuckled. 

A chuckle she returned as she said, “I’ve got a great teacher.” 

She stabilized herself with his chest, riding him at a faster tempo than she started. Now, she was the one chasing her climax, the need inside her growing with every second that passed. She knew it wouldn’t take long. Her clit grazed against his pelvis, her insides spasming as she rode him. This orgasm was for her only, for her own pleasure. The hardness inside her would have to wait for the next one. 

A couple of more bounces and she felt her new climax joining the ones that were already inside her, the wetness dribbling down his cock as it ran out of space inside her. Her third finish of the night ransacked through her body as she collapsed onto Jake’s chest, breathless and in ecstasy. She was tired – exhausted – but she knew she had at least one more inside her. As soon as she got the slightest bit of energy back. 

“You can’t have reached your cap yet, (Y/N),” Jake panted, her wetness still engulfing him. “I didn’t get to finish.” 

“I just… I just need a minute,” she breathed. 

“No worries, all I need is for you to hold on.” 

Jake wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, their chests pressed together as he angled his hips upward and continued the attack. He slammed into her, pushing them both past their bodies’ capabilities, edged on by the moans and whimpers she sang into his ears. The most beautiful sound they had heard. 

He rutted into her, faster and faster as he felt the usual tightening that signifies the closeness of his ends. And as much as he felt that he was in a position of dominance because he was the one setting the pace, it was the clenching of her insides that had all the power. 

As she came, her cunt contracting against his cock, so did he. Their releases combined and seeped out of her, darkening the sheets under them. They were panting and sweaty, delighting in the pleasure of their aftermath. 

At that moment, as their bodies recuperated from the onslaught of physical activities, Jake couldn’t help but admire just how beautiful she was. He cradled her face and met her in a soft kiss, the softest yet. 

When he released her, he noticed streaks going down her cheeks where tears had fallen at some point. He wiped them away with his thumb, kissing each of her eyes before enveloping in a tight hug. She molded into his body, fitting perfectly between his arms. Her head pressed to his chest, her ears capturing the sound of his heartbeat. 

Ba dump. 

Ba dump. 

Ba dump. 

It echoed the sound of her own and she wondered if his heart ached just like hers. As he slung the sheets over them, still buried inside her, she wanted to know if he hurt every time he thought of his mate, just like she did. If their hearts could beat at the same rhythm, maybe they could be in pain at the same time. 

“Stop thinking, little one,” he whispered. His hands smoothed down her hair. “Enjoy the present. We won’t have it for long.” 

Taglist: @uwunuggetchan @ellabellabus07 @jake-sullys-whore @irisskies @crazy4books1

[fandomcrazy6226]

Liveblogging Dracula Daily - September 7

So Lucy's worse! I just finally got some food, and right now it's almost 11 so this is gonna be the last entry tonight. My inbox gets smaller every time I hit post!

Oh god, what should he not know? How bad has she gotten in a day? I don't think this is the situation to keep thoughts to yourself, buddy. Share the knowledge, I beg of you!

I... okay I'll be honest I don't understand the corn metaphor. Wouldn't mind getting that one explained to me.

"Knowledge is stronger than memory, and we should not trust the weaker". That's... really smart. And also why eyewitness accounts are seen as unreliable. Exactly! Share the knowledge! Don't keep stuff to yourself!

Oh thank god, Lucy's mom is still alive. Lucy definitely doesn't need any more stuff going wrong right now. Oh, shit. That is... extremely not good. If she's that pale is she like... even alive? Or conscious?

Uh. I don't think that's how you should determine a blood transfusion. Did they know about blood types back then? *google* 1901! Just a few years late, damn.

Oh, god, Arthur really loves her so much. She's gotta get better, so they can be happy together. She's gotta. Oh, he's gonna give her his blood! That's like... where's the "list of things that are a metaphor for love". I sent that list to a friend once asking if it was satire (it included stuff like stabbing and gambling and also flower crowns) and he was like "nope that's meant to be taken seriously" and then I asked him to explain stabbing. I miss him.

I'M GETTING SIDETRACKED

At least they know to put her to sleep, I guess. Plot twist, Arthur's kiss of true love cures her and she's all better and they go home together happy and meet up with Jonathan and Mina and all live close together and nothing bad happens ever. Please? Yes? Darn

Well thank god she's at least partially restored. Can they just keep doing this until she's all better? She's trying to hide the bite wound? Is that intentionally or some kind of hypnosis?

Uh, yeah, what do you mean by that? Also all-nighters aren't that hard to manage, especially if you've got something that important to keep you awake. I mean, I've pulled all-nighters just writing or watching movies, not even on purpose. My sleep schedule during shutdown was... in a word, bad. In two words, not good.

Well. I want Lucy to get better. I am beginning to lose hope about that happening, because now that there's been a blood transfusion there's a solid possibility that the blood types aren't gonna work together. Hopefully either Arthur is O- or Lucy is AB+. I'll work out the rest of these sometime tomorrow, I'm gonna be awake in the actual morning so I can get an early start on it.

[ciaossu-imagines]

Hello, hello, my lovely readers! I'm back tonight to get the last three fandom prompts I had done up out and up! After this, I'll probably try to get one to two posts done up out of the ten ask-box requests by Thursday at the latest! So, kicking off tonight with another new fandom to this blog, the silly and fun Blush Blush! If you have Steam and haven't played it, I definitely strongly recommend it as a fun and addictive time-waster! This prompt and the next three will be based off this prompt here and I hope you'll all enjoy!

Put any character in my ask and I’ll try to find a song in my music that I think goes with them.

Nimh – Nimh is my first Blush Blush love. He’s sweet and soft and just the most comforting feeling character to me and I always associate just that lazy, comfortable, happy feeling of Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds with him.

Volks – Both for the general tone of the music and the obvious connection to his wolfish form, I had to go with Full Moon by A.R. Rahman. There’s some broodiness to the harmony, it’s a little slow to suit a boy who’s slow to warm up to people, but it’s got this underlying sweetness that you really see in Volks as you go through his route.

Kelby – Kelby’s an active guy and I see him listening to music during gym workouts or while out jogging, just things to get him pumped up. I really feel like Lethal Bizzle’s I Win is a go-to for him so it’s a song I associate with him!

Eli – Gay Bar by Electric Six, most definitely. It’s silly and fun and honestly, Eli would be the star of any bar he walked into, gay or not!

Anon – It’s funny because he definitely is not the lots of movement type but I always kind of hum I Like to Move It from Madagascar whenever I’m focusing on completing him in game. It’s the lemurs, man, the lemurs!

Garrett – I can’t quite explain it, it’s just the way the song affects me. But Home – A House on the Hill from the Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood OST always feels like a warm hug and sunshine and comfort to me. And Garrett is all of those things and, as a bonus, we all know he gives the best hugs.

Dmitri – Okay, even I can’t fully explain this one, but first immediate thought and no others could compete – it’s Smooth by Santana ft. Rob Thomas. I think the music itself suits him – smooth, spicy, with a nice Latin flair to it and I honestly think that’s how he approaches love too. Give him all your love, don’t half-ass it because he won’t accept that at all!

Ichiban – I am pretty sure, if I recall correctly, there’s even a reference to it within Ichiban’s text in game but I definitely think that he both loves and that I strongly associate him with the Caramelldansen song!

William – Again, this one is based off a response he gives when talking in game about relatives in Bel-Air! It’s definitely the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song. I have no doubts he knows all the words to it too, haha!

Myx – Okay, but I gotta pay respect to the obvious inspiration for Myx and pick something by Ninja Sex Party! Since Road Trip is my favourite of theirs, that’s the one I went with!

Stirling – With Stirling, I don’t so much associate a song with his character so much as there’s just songs I can so firmly see him skating to. Like, I listen and I imagine our fabulous vampire just twirling away on the ice in this elaborate routine and the one I do this most for (other than plain out just anything by Tchaikovsky, who I think Stirling was friends with and whose music I think he uses in his routines often) is Tchaikovsky’s The Sleeping Beauty, Op. 66: Act 1: Carabosse (The Bad Fairy).

Scale – I know he wants to be taken seriously so much, but I just can’t take Scale seriously. Like, at all…so my song choice for him couldn’t be serious either! Which is why Ninja Rap from Vanilla Ice is my go-to for him!

[philosophicalparadox]

love to know more about "Lightning in the Dark" from your wips :3

I just answered an ask about this one, which you can find here:

But, i didnt want to make that post too long, so I didn't add a snippet. Thus I will put one here!

Know that this one isn't NEARLY as far along as Passions, and it's really...pretty dark overall. Soooo I went ahead and found the least grim of the scenes I have jotted down right now - it's a long scene and it's still kinda angsty-bittersweet, but it ends on a happy note:

...Griffith heard familiar footsteps approach, breaking him from his thoughts. He knew they were Guts', but the cadence was wrong somehow.

The distant sound of rain pelting against the tents outside grew more intense as the storm settled in over their heads, and settled a profound ache pounding into Griffith's knees with each fat drop. He wanted to groan in frustration and protest.

When Guts pushed open the tent with his foot, flicking heavy droplets inside, it took every fibre of his being not to - for Guts was, to Griffith's surprise, holding a very wet looking Casca in his arms.

"Sorry buddy, but Casca's gotta stay in here tonight." Guts voice didn't give him room to argue as he set her down on the edge of the table his sword was resting beside. "She's sick."

"I am not sick," Casca argued weakly. "If I was, you really think Dieter would let me in here?"

"Fine, you're woman sick. Better?" Her glare, softened by dark circles under her eyes, did the answering for her. "It's not like I can help it. It's not always this bad, but some times are worse than others." She swayed a bit on the edge, gripping the table with near-white knuckles to stabilise herself. "And I told you, I'll be fine on my own."

"Yeah right, last time this crap gave you a fever like that you hurled us both off a cliff, remember?" Guts jabbed. But there was no teeth in it. "Now take this. It's the same fever medicine Dieter gave me for Griff - potent stuff, that." Guts extended his hand, a brown, leaf-wrapped pill held delicately between his fingers. "Supposed to not upset the stomach as bad as willow."

"Good," Casca replied. "Cause I hate taking willow when I feel like this. It helps in the end, but," she shuddered in mock disgust. "It's hard stuff to keep down when you're already nauseous." She took the pill and a water flask from Guts, who turned then to Griffith.

"I know this isn't ideal," he said gently. "But this girl has a bad habit of knocking herself out, and I wanna keep an eye on her, 'kay?" Griffith replied with a suspicious, cautious side-eye. Guts heaved a sigh. This was gonna be a fun night.

_page break _

Casca began changing her clothes, faced away from the boys. Movement caught her eye and she turned slightly to find Guts had made up the backup mattress, sized for one person, beside Griffith's own, which was big enough for two. "Hope you don't mind sleeping on the outside wall," Guts said. "Griffith can't climb over both of us in case he needs to piss in the middle of the night. I've left a bit of space so you can navigate around us if you need to, and so you don't get wet if the wind soaks the wall." He stood up and approached her where she held her still wet shirt, the back of his hand finding the side of her neck. "Fever is still kinda hot. That medicine should kick in soon though." He stepped away for a moment, grabbing a linen cloth from the table. "You should wipe yourself down. You're covered in sweat and rain."

"That was the plan," Casca replied. She looked at the cloth for a long moment. She could feel Griffith glaring-but-not-glaring at her back, and wondered for a moment if it was a good idea - but she also felt terrible, and frankly didn't want to deal with that shit.

"Can you do my back?" She asked before she could stop herself. "It's just, I don't think I have the balance to try right now. My head is swimming." She tried, on purpose, to sound extra miserable in the hopes of catching Griffith's sympathy bone, but she dare not look to see if she had succeeded; besides, it wasn't like she needed to try hard. She really was dizzy as hell.

"Sure." Guts said non-chalantly, grabbing the wash bowl he had just finished filling and starting to work between Casca's shoulder blades.

There was a whine from their right.

"Oh hush you," Guts said, though his tone was more affectionate than patronising. "I didn't forget you." He looked over to see Griffith with a surprised and kind of embarrassed look on his face. Clearly he hadn't meant to make that noise. Guts could only smirk.

"I wipe you down like this every night, don't I?" Guts remarked cooly, trailing the cloth down Casca's back. "I won't forget to do it tonight just because Casca is here." She wasn't sure if he was trying to be reassuring or condescending, because to her it sounded like both.

"Don't patronize me." Griffith snapped.

"Then don't act like I should have to, and I won't." Guts sassed back, handing the cloth over to Casca. She took it before turning to look at Guts' face, which held an amused smirk. Griffith, on the other hand, was anything but amused.

"Come here," Guts said as he sat a bit away from the mattress on the floor, putting the second bowl he had collected from the table and cloth to the side, but keeping his legs open. "Dieter says it's good for you to move around a bit. You've been doing really good with it, but I can't pick you up all the time." Griffith glared at him for that last line. He seemed to sulk in his aggravation for a moment.

"Come on Mr. Moody, before the water gets any colder." Griffith continued to glare for a moment more, before rolling his eyes and breathing a sigh. Guts's charm had won over his annoyance -if only for today.

Griffith sighed again at the prospect before him. He had gotten used to rolling out of bed and crawling to the bedpan, but it didn't mean it wasn't painful on his knees - knees that already hurt with the weather. With one last glance at Casca, who watched their interaction with feigned disinterest, he resolved his stiff tendons to move.

It was all well and good, until his knees hit the carpet. He winced against the uncomfortable pressure against his kneecaps which quickly evolved into a stretching, pinching pain. He tried to shuffle through it, but after just a few tiny "steps" he felt his body involuntarily curling in on itself.

"Knees painful?" Guts asked, stretching out his arm for support. Griffith looked up at him for a moment before he nodded, reaching for Guts' arm. "That's okay," Guts reassured, leaning forward on his knees to tilt Griffith onto his haunches, hooking his hand under Griffith's knees and arms and pulling him into the space between Guts' legs in one smooth, practiced motion. "We gotta do your stretches anyway. Do you want to do them before or after the wash?" Griffith looked at him expectantly. Guts sighed. "After the wash. I don't even know why I ask."

Casca looked on with a mixture of fascination and apprehension. Was this what it was like when Guts was taking care of him? She had hardly been allowed in here since he woke up from his coma, so on one hand it was interesting to see what exactly Guts did. On the other hand, she really hadn't expected the...casual-ness? The coolness? Of Guts behavior. Before, she felt like he was forcing himself to be calm and cool for Griffith's sake, which was fine - but now didn't feel forced, exactly, but it did feel practiced. This entire interaction did. Which kind of surprised and simultaneously alarmed Casca for some reason. Not because it was a bad thing, exactly, but more that this wasn't a side of Guts she was used to seeing.

"Up" Guts ordered softly, and Griffith obeyed without fuss, raising his arms so Guts could remove his shirt. "Shit." Guts muttered, before he glanced toward Casca a little unsurely. "Uh, Casca, while you're there, could you grab his night shirt from that box on the table? I always seem to forget that damn thing." Casca blinked in response. "Sure," she replied.

Removing the gown from the box, she noticed how incredibly soft it was. "Is this Mueslin?" She asked incredulously.

"Yep. Dieter kept a few like that, since cotton doesnt stick the way linen does. Im not sure what purpose such a thin cloth is for the sick - it sure the hell ain't for keeping them warm," Guts replied as he took the folded cloth from her and set it on his thigh. "But Deiter says it's supposed to do something about night sweats and keeping oozy things dry, or something. Plus it's pretty easy to clean, I guess." He then turned his attention back to Griffith, who was beginning to lean on Guts' shoulder. Casca tried not to look too hard at his scars, but the only other thing to focus on was the strange burning feeling that was growing in her gut - something that resembled jealousy, she noted with surprise.

She watched, distantly transfixed, as Guts methodically wiped Griffith down, only acknowledging Casca to tell her to look away when he needed to completely undress him to clean between his thighs, a thought which had Casca grateful that neither of them could see her face.

When Guts sounded the all-clear, though, he wasn't fully done doing...implicating things. Griffith had his gown on, which not only didn't hide many things, between his semi-open thighs, but Guts had moved on to helping him stretch and massage said thighs, which was...too much, for her.

"I-I'll just...stay here...until you're all done." Casca replied, hoping her high octave voice didn't give away the fire she felt coloring her face. Guts quirked his brow at her, but chalked it up to a growing list woman-things he didn't understand.

Once there really was an all clear, and Guts had Griffith and him tucked into bed, Guts invited her over. "I put down a few extra cloths, in case you...uh, Y'know..." It was Guts' turn to be embarrassed by the implications. Nonetheless, Casca was grateful. Washing blood out of mattresses was a pain, and she sure the hell was not about to let a man do that kind of thing for her.

"Thanks," she added as she crawled under the, thankfully, big hide blanket behind Guts. It was the first time Casca really noticed he had pressed the mattresses together to make one really big one, rather than have her sleep alone. The thought made her smile as she tucked in for the night.

Guts - and Guts alone, thankfully - heard Griffith's teeth click when he felt and heard Casca shifting around behind them. Casca did, however, hear Guts reprimand him. "Be nice," Guts warned. "There's a reason I'm sleeping between you two, so please don't carve me up over it, 'kay?" A grumbled huff came from Griffith, and Casca was a little shocked by how jealous and, frankly, petulant he seemed. 'Does he really dislike me so much? Or is this all because he wants Guts to himself?' Either situation seemed likely for him at this point - besides, it only went to prove how much Guts was not kidding about Griffith being a "moody pain in his ass sometimes" - a phrase she wouldn't have believed if you'd applied it to Griffith even a year ago.

"Lets just try and get some shut-eye, ok?"

Casca felt the air lose its static as they both quieted down and their breathing synchronised. She felt the dregs of the rain pulling down her mood sharply -or maybe it was her menarchy, or the situation just now. She didn't know, but a wave of melancholy swept her into near tears on the turn of a heel, and suddenly she felt very upset about the fact, of all things, that Guts had turned his back to her in favor of holding Griffith. She knew he didn't mean anything by it - but her heart said things her mind wasn't agreeing with right now, and it stung a bit that she wasn't getting cuddled when she felt like shit.

As if sensing her distress, a hand appeared, reaching for her own - but it wasn't the hand she was expecting. No, this hand was familiarly small and scarred. She wasn't sure it was on purpose until he actively grabbed at her fingers, clutching them with what awkward coordination he had.

She wasn't sure if it was an apology or an attempt at comfort, but she took it to mean both things. She curled into Guts back and squeezed Griffith's hand slightly; she smiled when he squeezed them back.

Huzzah, the only happy scene I have written down RN. Feel free to ask about anything else, anon! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to post this draft. :)

[aggressivenesswhilecrying]

Back at my parents tonight, first night ìn half a month I get to actually sleep with my cats again, crackers has made his place known in my lap, and syrup on my chest, their normal spots.

Crackers does seem to be getting a cold tho, his eyes are leaking a bit, which they weren't doing 12 hours ago, so I think being in the car may have given him a cold in someway, not sure, but I will be keeping a closer eye on him and syrup, just to make sure they aren't getting sick sick. I'm moving their normal place of eating onto my dresser so the dogs can't get their food.

Like normal crackers doesn't like the litter box here, I'll be trying to get a new one soon, one he'll like and feel comfortable in.

They don't really like the cat food I have here, so I will have to change that as soon as I can 9lives they just don't like sadly.

Crackers keeps on wanting outside, but he's not gonna be heading out there since it's getting cold, and it's warm inside, so I don't really want that shock to his system. I want to start harness training them soon. I know I won't have much issues with syrup, if any at all. But crackers will be harder

When we got syrup, I was told she had her shots already, but she was so small, there was no way she did. So I'm going to start to save to have the chipped, and get their shots. I'm thinking about getting crackers fixed, but I might hold off on that untill he starts to spray. If he doesn't spray I think I'm going to just let him be, but untill then, I just gotta keep on watching the two. I don't mind caring for more kittens, and that sort of thing, and I already watch over the two like a hawk, so I wouldn't care all too much if syrup had kittens in the future, but, I'm thinking about it a little, I know I should get them fixed, but I'm not sure if I'm going to just yet.

I need to trim their claws a little, but I have no real clue how to do that, all I know, is syrup keeps accidently getting stuck, and Cracker isn't sure how to retract his claws, so investing in a scratching post or trimming their claws just a little might be something I need to do soon aswell.

Bur, all in all, right now, I need to focus a little more on them, and that's cat updates

[febreze-bottle-without-febreze]

Ten Lines game♡

thanks for tagging me @konnorhasapen The rules are to post the first line of ten of your most recent fics and then tag ten people, but I'm pretty sure the people I usually tag have did this all already did this so I'll just tag a few @ezshifts @star-sheeps @annahhopee @soup-scope @gavinshorns @friendly-waffles sorry if you already been tagged

I hope the fics don't have to be finished because most of these aren't also don't mind the self promotion

GHOSTBUSTING{with the wolf boys}

“as much as I love staring into all of your eyes I think we should discuss why we're all here,” Asher said clapping his hands together

☆Popsicle☆

“hey Asher~” Tank sang wall biting into the popsicle which Milo cringed at “OH- h-Ey TaNk t-that's uh my….uh popsicle your eating” Asher said nervously “oh this popsicle” Tank said leaning down to be eye level with Ash “I don’t see your name on it” Tank said with a wolfish grin Ash laughed nervously “well I gotta go, see ya masher” Tank said waving over their shoulder. As soon as Tank was out of earshot “h-Ey TaNk” Milo bust out laughing mimicking Asher’s voice crack “shut up” Asher said shoving Milo “oh don’t get mad cat go your tongue are should I say wolf ”Milo laughed “oh you little-” Asher said putting Milo in a headlock David groaned walking throws them to pull them apart “would you two stop” David growled

Aggro's POV Of The Milo x Sweetheart Timeline

"They are back. My wolf came home, and was mad. But then he liked them. I do not want this human to stay, they are weird and annoying"

tastes like home

“Sweetheart, you’re cloaked again.” Milo grinned at the hovering pet, purring up a storm.

The Stealth reappeared feet first, a sheepish smile decorating their face. “Sorry. I got too excited.”

How To Manipulate Your Packmate Into Pursuing Self Care 

“Feels better, huh?” He barked at her for the first time, the sound deep and rough. She seemed surprised, but brushed the shock off easily. “You were so good. Such a good boy.”

If she had been anyone in the pack, she would have gotten bitten for that. As it was, Tank figured she had earned a pass. Aimee had put up with his stubborn fur and his uncomfortable staring for hours. The least he could do was not get mad at her for praising him. Besides, she was right. He was a good boy.

The 'Sunlight Thing' 

“Yeah, from me and Milo so we can get bad pictures of them.” Ash joined. 

I Would Beg To Disagree (But Begging Disagrees With Me) 

 "Last I checked we're not supposed to sleep with clients," was the very first thing Milo heard once he was within earshot. No good mornings, or where were yous. Milo probably would have even preferred a fuck you or an I'm gonna tell David you were late. But Darlin' just had to start in with the worst possible thing they could, didn't they? 

   "And last I checked we're not supposed to sleep with vampires either," Milo quipped, but they both knew he wasn't being serious. Everyone loved Sam. "But we just talked. So whatever shit Asher fed you was a lie." 

Freebound

 “Freelancer? Dude- why are you all wet??”

        They turned to him, panting heavily, “I was walking here from Damien’s place, and the Dahlia Spring decided to start chasing me, so I started running, but that made the water faster, so I jumped into your neighbor's pool to escape.”

        Huxley slowly approached the window, “holy shi- Freelancer, the entire street is flooded!”

        “I knowww,” they whined, “I’m sorry. I would clean it up but I’m afraid I’ll level the entire neighborhood.”

Here's to forever 

"God... tonight feels like a dream. C-Can I kiss you?" 

"Thought you'd never ask..." 

The heat between the Vampires begins to build up as the two lean closer. With half-lidded eyes, lips presses with the other. 

And then -

"Shit! Ow! Ow!" 

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Bright! M-My fangs got in the way! Shit, that looked bad. H-Hang on, I can heal you - 

Despite the blood lightly trickling down their chin, Bright Eyes can't help it. They laugh. The soft evening air, their heart that had become so much lighter and the fact that Freddy is panicking over something so silly cast a wonderful spell on them. 

If this marks the beginning of their brand new story, then Bright Eyes can't wait to see what eternity will bring for them. 

"Maybe we should google how Vampires, uh, kiss?" 

"Oh! Good idea, Freddy. Beats asking Sam or Vincent for tips." 

stupid cupid

“Mm-hmm,” you mumble, trying desperately not to look as flustered as you feel. Fuck, does everyone feel like this when they see their mates? Or is it just the effect Sam has on you? You’d better start cutting Milo some more slack for that dumb face he makes whenever his mate walks into the room.

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 28 - Old Messages, pt. 4.

Nights went on like this. No word from Andy during the days. I guess it was better that way as it would cost too much attention if we both had our noses stuck in our phones all the time. The night was our time. And every single one of them, I looked forwards to the Facebook messages from Andy

Andy: Nice songs you post tonight. I didn't know you like Chris Cornell or Bon Jovi?

Congo: I do :)

Andy: It's good songs :) who are they for?

Congo: You.

Andy: (Blushing smiley) All of them?

Congo: Yes.

Andy: Also the Chris Cornell one?

Congo: Yes.

Andy: So you don't want us any longer? You wanna end things?

Congo: There's things I want, and things I should.

Andy: So, we aren't gonna see each other any longer or, you know…. Please don't do this! I want you! I want you to be mine… and me to be yours! If only we could! Please don't end things! I know we have to, but not yet! Please! I beg you Congo!

Congo: Hey, calm down. Please. I said, there's things I want, and things I should. I should walk away, but I want you too much.

Andy: So you aren't gonna end things?

Congo: No. I can't. I love you too much.

Andy: Don't make me cry.

Congo: Wasn't my intention. I only want you to be happy.

Andy: You make me happy.

Congo: But so does he.

Andy: Well so does Marius. Can we please not go there every night? I love you, and I don't need to be reminded of our situation all the time. It's hard enough as it is! And I know we gotta stop sooner or later, so can we just please try to enjoy each other as long as we can?

Congo: Yes. I think that sounds like a good plan.

Andy: Thank you.

Congo: Don't thank me. I want you too Andy. More than you know I'm very much in love with you.

Andy: I'm also very much in love with you.

Congo: I know.

Andy: You do?

Congo: Yes.

Andy: I thought you had lost most trust in me by now… I'm so relieved you trust that my love is for real.

Congo: No. It's not gone. Not at all.

Andy: Phew! And thank you for still trusting me.

Congo: It's okay. Just let it go :*

Andy: How was your day?

Congo: Not bad. Didn't do much. Just relaxed with a book, and watched my dad learn Marius how to braid willow branches. Mostly lost in thoughts of you.

Andy: Really? I was lost in my own thoughts of you as well. Stayed most of the day in bed, just daydreaming of you…

Congo: :)

Andy: What are your plans for tomorrow?

Congo: Getting up early, to go fishing with my dad.

Andy: Only you and your dad?

Congo: Yes. We will go at the break of dawn and stay out a few hours. Marius will be sleeping.

Andy: I wish I could come.

Congo: Yeah, me too. What are your plans?

Andy: I don't have any plans…

Congo: No ideas of new cover songs?

Andy: Nah… I'm pretty lazy these past two days.

Congo: So you don't wanna do a cover for me?

Andy: I could do that :) What do you want me to do?

Congo: Dedicate a song to me… but of course without dedicating it public. Just one only you and I know it's for me :)

Andy: I like that :) I'll do it!

Congo: Thank you :) that means a lot to me.

Andy: I just want to make you smile :)

Are you still here?

Congo: Yes.

Andy: You became so quiet?

Congo: I was smiling.

Andy: :D <3 :'( :) Can I call you?

Congo: Yes, just give me two minutes then. My dad will get up in 15 minutes, so I might as well get dressed now and cook him some breakfast.

Andy: Oh, I don't wanna interrupt you then…

Congo: You wont. Call me in two minutes :*

Andy: :D

I still remember the song he recorded the next day… the one he dedicated to me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLbya5qPveA I also still remember how when my dad woke up that same morning, and he walked in on me talking with Andy on the phone, he grabbed the phone and ended up talking with Andy for 20 minutes. Our fishing trip, which was supposed to set my mind straight, suddenly turned into a two hours long talk about why I should give up everything around me, and be with Andy instead. I can't say I disagreed, but I was afraid. I had wanted him for so many years, and finally he wanted me too. But he wasn't ready to give into me. So I wasn't prepared to lose it all. Deep down I knew I would lose to A in the end. I didn't contact Andy the whole day, neither during the evening. Even if I had promised him to call him on the way home from the lake. And when he started sending me messages, I didn't reply. I needed time to think. I had a question I desperately wanted to ask him, but I was terrified of his answer. Should I? I would risk everything. Marius. My life. Maybe even Andy's life? Could I?

Andy: Hey. How are you? You never called me again? Is something wrong? Did something happen after I talked with your dad this morning? I have a really bad feeling Please call me when you see this…. I'm freaking out! Congo? Please? I have tried calling you and sms'ing you… why wont you pick up? Is it over now? Please don't say its over! I beg you! I need you! I love you! Please Congo… please! I'll give up everything if I have to!!! Congo! I can't stand any more! Please pick up! Congo! What am i supposed to think now? If you don't pick up soon, I'm gonna come up there! I don't give a shit! PLEASE Congo!!! I beg you!!! I'm crying my eyes out!!! Please don't end things!!! I can't not have you!!!! I love you so much!!! Just tell me what to do? I'll end it all if you want me to, and be yours only!!! I mean it!!! I'm terrified, please please pick up or call me!!!! Aright! That's it!! I'm coming up there!!!

Andy: As he arrived, he parked his bike further down the road that lead to the house, making sure it was well hidden under some branches. He ran the rest of the way to the house, trying desperately to come up with a plan, as tears pressed in his eyes. He sighed relieved as he got closer to the house and could hear a well known chopping sound from behind, so he fastened his pace and silently ran around the house, staying hidden between trees. As he spotted Congo chopping wood, he slowed down to a slow walking, observing him chopping the wood, his flannel shirt was thrown on the ground by his feet, and his muscular upper body was glistening in the yellow moon light, drops of sweat running down his upper arms and back. Andy suddenly feels extremely dizzy, watching Congo like this, chopping the woods, being all man, and as a small breeze caught his nose, he even smelled the chopped wood, making him feel a rush to his stomach. He searched around on the ground a bit, and smiled softly as he found a small stone, picked it up and took a bit of time to aim before he flung it towards Congo, hitting the big chopping block, making Congo instantly stop and turn around, his sweaty pecks twitching a bit as he tried to figure what just happened? Psst! Andy waved a bit with his hand but instantly regretted when he saw Congo's deep frown, but as Congo started walking fast towards him, Andy's face lit up… only to seconds later feeling like a scolded dog, as Congo grabbed him by the collar and pressed him up against a tree, looking at him with fierce angry eyes

Congo: His voice was low and firm What the hell are you doing here?! You can't run around here, what if someone sees you?! FUCK Andy! You can't be here! Go home!

Andy: Looked at Congo with flickering eyes I just thought… I…

Congo: You clearly didn't think at all! If we keep sneaking around, they will figure out eventually. You are pretty much dating a bloodhound! He knows my smell all too well! He will smell me on you! And god knows what will happen then! Someone could get serious hurt, and I beg for it to not be Marius!

Andy: Shook his head He would NEVER hurt Marius! Ever!

Congo: He hissed That's not what I meant! Marius trusts you! He trusts me! He's so innocent! We cant fucking do this to him! And A loves you very much! This shit has to stop! We already went way over the top! Go home Andy!

Andy: He looked at Congo with flickering eyes, then out of the blue bust out in a loud sobbing, as he punched Congo's chest repeatedly What about me?! Huh?! What about how I feel?! I fucking love you!! I love you so fucking much!! Oh god!! his sobbing only turned louder

Congo: Andy! Calm down! They will hear you!

Andy: Sobbed on I don't give a shit any longer! If I can't have you I hope he will figure out, and kill me on the spot! I want you! YOU! His sobbing continued, stronger and stronger Why the fuck can't you see how much I love you??!!! Tell me to break up with him an I will!!! But you can't even do that! You don't really want me anyway! I'm too much of a fuck up! You love your quiet life, and I don't fit into that! I'm so screwed up! I ruin everything! Fine, I'll go and leave you alone. I'm sorry I ever came here, hoping you would give this, us, a chance! He turned to leave, but got stopped by Congo forcing him back up against the tree

Congo: He looked at Andy with flickering eyes, and just as they turned soft and loving, he grabbed both Andy's upper arms, pressing him even tighter against the tree as he with a deep moan started kissing Andy passionately

Andy: He moaned out, partially in surprise, partially in relief, quickly digging his fingers into Congo's chest, moaning yet again in Congo's mouth, as he fluttered his tongue over Congo's, feeling dizzier than ever, breathing faster and faster as their kissing speed up and became more heated. Hands travelling all over each others bodies, until Congo quickly pulled away, panting a bit as he looked at Andy with flickering eyes

Congo: We can't do this…

Andy: Whimpered softly Congo don't do this!

Congo: He shook his head softly I mean not here. Please move to the front of the house, to the main road, but stay out of sight! I'll meet you there in a couple of minutes. Just make sure to stay out of sight! If I'm not there in 5 minutes, run to the cabin where we were the other night, and hide there till I come, you know where the key is… He leaned in and planted a big kiss on Andy's lips, softly stroking his cheek Please don't cry… I'll be right back… He quickly ran off to the chopping block, picking up his shirt, casually putting it on, then taking a big deep breath, before entering the house

[phantalgia]

10/23/24 - Becoming and A Dream To Be A Cute Gay Twink Couple

So much fear...isolation, loneliness. My health has torn me apart tonight. I went to sleep on a full stomach. I noticed I was having micro panic attack as I tried to fall asleep. When I did, I woke up. Sick as a dog. Nauseous, weak, feverish, heart palpitations, shaky.

I didn't think I was going to get out of bed. But i did. That actually helped oddly enough. Moving around and pacing. It wasn't perfect. I took extra heart meds and breathed into a bag. Those 3 things all helped. Right now it's still lingering.

I don’t want to get too into it because of how nervous it makes me. But my LVNC MRI I had came back normal, with just a passing about my trabeculations. I’m hoping that means nothing has changed since my last MRI. My doctor is certain I'll live a long healthy life and the worst case scenerio is I would have an ablation. Things should be fine...I got a follow up with my doctor. Maybe he has encouragement. Then it's the doctor who ordered the MRI. Who tends to not be so optimisitic.

I hate this. Long COVID, dysautonomia, respritory alkalosis, anxiety, post-surgery issues, whatever it is. I need to live a life. And living a life has to do with people. I want the people I want in my life. That's what this person I’m trying to reconnect with symbolizes.

Perhaps it's just twink to twink communication but it's hard to let go. I know I have to regardless if things happen or not. I know I can be proud of myself for growing from this experience regardless. Recognizing what is important to me. And that's cute twinks/enbys to be gay with. And who aren't raving bigots too...yes for some reason there's a lot of them.

I guess that's a fantasy for me now. Just someone cute, where we can just be two cute twinks. I'd love that. I only ever did like twinks/enbys because of their USUALLY sweetness, and sensitivities. I don’t want these fake stoic social darwinist ones. Pick flowers for once please...

But this won’t happen while I’m locked away like this. I gotta do something. Whether it's broading my search out. Or what. I don’t know what to do. It's much harder when you’re sick like I am and just bombarded by guilt, holding onto the past, and somatic based anxiety 24/7.

What if I accepted that maybe I won’t get the dream that I want? No holding each other under a tree, no walks together, no cuddling. What if I just die young and alone? It's grim, extreme. But I want to calm that fear down. Perhaps this just wasn't my life. Is that ok? It wasn't a useless life. I learned a lot. I did my best. I guess I’m just trying to accept that I might die young and alone to calm it, FOR NOW.

This may not be the truth. I may find someone one day. Perhaps things will be rekindled. I just know I cant keep holding onto the past. The two can go together. I should hold onto the people I do have. Even if it's not ideal, and be open to the new people, they could be just as good. It's going to take time. I know that I can at least stop the searching for this person and let it go.

Nothing is overnight, I’m in pain. Emotionally and physically. Maybe it won’t always be like this. Things will change over time. Time is a good asset. Perhaps events will happen that will push me towards urgency. Whether extreme or not so extreme.

I’m not giving up, but I’m leaving room for the worst case scenerio since it won’t go away.